1 year later.....

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's passing........

Not sure what to say about it as I'm not quite able to comprehend that a whole year has gone by and everything else in my life is so normal. Justin and Jeremy are great, we're expecting our second child in July, work is good, friends are the best I've ever had....in other words...life is good.

Except it's not completely. I miss him very much. I talk to him a lot when I'm in my car alone. The new Carrie Underwood song, Temporary Home, makes me cry every time. The last verse just sounds so much like what my dad would have said. I'm still glad I wasn't there to actually watch him go. I think it would be worse for me. I do regret not getting to see him at Christmas before he got sick....had I only known....

He knew...I know that based on things Mom has told him he was doing in the fall before he got sick. Planting a tree in the front yard right in front of the kitchen window to replace the Crepe Myrtle that had died. I think Mom will be absolutely devastated if something happens to that tree before she passes away. My Dad, interestingly enough, was a logger for my whole life and at least half of his. He worked for GTE before that. But what's interesting is that although he cut down trees for a living, he was always so cautious about picking the right trees to cut down and cleaning up after the work was done and being careful not to hurt the littler trees nearby. He almost always worked alone, which scared Mom a lot as I was growing up b/c that was before the days of cell phones (I didn't start worrying until I was in middle school or so when I realized the danger of his job). We never really knew if he would be home at night. B/c he was alone and cutting trees, there was always the possibility that one would fall on him or something and we wouldn't know until he just didn't come home. I remember several times when Dad had simply lost track of time, and didn't get home until very late, after dark. Mom was so mad at him for making her worry so much. He never seemed to really to be all that phased by it. He was very good at his job, so it was silly of us to worry so much. Now, if Mom or I was out late for whatever reason and he happened to be home first, well, then that was just unacceptable. He was worried and all that. So funny how protective he was of us and yet we were silly to worry about him.

But that was my Dad. Always caring about everyone else around him so much more than himself. He was, without a doubt, the absolute best father that ever lived, as far as I am concerned. At the very least, no one was better, maybe the same, but certainly not better.

I know I'll see you again someday, but until then..I miss you, my precious, darling, Daddy.